Lets face it, we’ve entered a tinder generation where romance has descended into “love at first swipe.” It is a swipe first and ask questions later approach which has instigated a number of challenges for young people today, most of which we will not be addressing in this post. Have we gone too far?
Social Buffing and Going with the Flow
An extraordinary study at Harvard Univeristy tested the extent of social buffing. The subjects were asked to walk a path in which they would be exposed to a staged rape scene as part of the experiment. This was no ordinary rape scene though. The social scientists hired additional actors to walk in the same direction, stop, look deliberately at the rape as it was occurring, and then do nothing and continue walking. Shockingly, the subjects of the experiment would follow suit after taking cue from the actor who did nothing to stop the horrific crime from happening.
Of course, it is human nature to pick up on social cues and we often unconsciously follow suit. People follow suit far too often and even to their detriment. However, when it comes to choosing a life partner, we can not afford just go with the flow. In order to choose a proper life partner with whom to build a Jewish home with, singles must learn to date smarter not harder.
The casual date
I’ve spoken about dating with hundreds if not thousands of young singles who are in the scene. There are a lot of people who answer that they aren’t dating for marriage but are causally dating. They’re playing the field so to speak and if they find the right person, they’ll happily settle down. My friends, this is a myth that many unconsciously try to sell themselves. There is nothing casual about casual dating. Think about it. Are you dating for marriage? Yes or no. If the answer is yes, then your dating for marriage. If the answer is no, then your playing the field. There is not fence to sit on. It’s either that you’re serious about settling down, or your not.
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This is an important distinction to realize before you begin your next date. People need to be clear with themselves what their goals are before they go out. If you know that you’re all about building a nice Jewish home with your partner in life, then you’ll probably approach the dating scene with a totally different set of goals and priorities than the serial swiper. The second part of this short video gives a very practical approach to maximizing the first date without having to deal with love at first swipe.
If you liked this article and video, you can find out more at our (less than 20 min) video crash course called “Habbits of Successful Singles.” We’ve received a lot of insightful feedback and would love to hear from you as well. Please feel free to check it out online and continue to learn how to date smarter not harder. You can also check out a cool new event helping people meet more organically.
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Rabbi Katz is a social entrepreneur and public accountant by trade with a focus on audit and consulting for healthcare and other not-for-profits ($100MM). Most recently he is founder of JPULSE, BulbCourse.org and Shmorganic.com. He is available for consultation and can be reached at katz@jpulse.org.